no offense intended

being a social chameleon has it's advantages. living a life of transience, i've dedicated myself to being flexible, adaptive, and reducing my impact on the people around me as much as possible. i think i'm good at it - feel it's actually a strength. and people seem to respond to my unobtrusiveness in ways i find beneficial. i.e. they don't mind having me around and seem genuinely pleased by my company and want to help me out. very advantageous for someone with little resources of his own and no place to really call home.

this awareness of what other people want or need is not always an active thought process, or even a conscious one. naturally, it isn't 100% effective either since i'm not gifted with any sort of psychic powers. usually i'm on my game enough to make that ever-important first impression and create a positive memory of me. presumably, i'm only going to be around this person for a short while so they probably won't ever realize they don't actually know anything about me. i'm so practiced at this i even come off as being open and honest. and i am open and honest... with the things i choose and on my terms. it's only recently i'm learning there may be areas i can't be open about because i don't know them myself. am i ok with this?

lately, however, i've started wondering if my malleability may be a two-edged sword. i think it's possible that somewhere along the way, in my pursuit of pleasing others, i've managed to hide or lose my own sense of identity so thoroughly i'm not sure what it is anymore. or worse, i never knew and didn't allow it to develop. but this probably isn't the case. i mean, i make a lot of self-centered decisions and am not apt to waste time doing something i don't enjoy. so, in my better moments, i feel pleasing other people is what i enjoy, and therefore a worthy endeavor. what i'm not sure about in those moments is whether this is enough for other people to identify with as who i am. more importantly, if it's enough to enable me to lead a fulfilling life.

what can i share of myself with other people? my ability to not offend them? i don't think that's enough. guess it's back to the drawing board.